Why do I crave attention? I diliberatly put my self in situations where men give me attention. I am very much in love with my husband, and have made too many mistakes in the past that has put my marriage at risk, I have no intentions of doing anything stupid again. Some of these guys are super sleazy and nobody I would be attracted to if I was single, but I still enjoy their compliments and propositions. Even when women come on to me I get excited and I am not into chicks. I am into people being into me. Im not sure if its a bipolar thing or a me thing. I know I do it. My husband knows I do it. Hes not happy about it. I am honestly trying to do things differantly, but its almost like now that I have acknowledged I have this problem it has become more of an problem.
Recently one of my husbands friends expressed an intrest in me, so what did I do? Not tell him it was inapropriate thats for sure. Oh no, that would be the right thing to do, and if I did the right thing I wouldnt have anything to blog about. Lol.
While my husband was walking in and out of the room doing whatever he was doing, this guy, his friend, told me that he found me sexy. Then he appologized and asked me if he was out of line or making me feel uncomfortable in any way. I could have stopped it there but instead I showed him some pictures of myself, then he said he was getting excited thinking about me and I was turning him on, he asked if I was getting excited knowing that I told him I was. It just kept getting worse at one point he showed me a picture of his dick and asked if he could watch me masterbate or watch my husband and I have sex. That would never happen but I let him think it might. Now this guy is getting me a phone and wanting to buy me stuff which I am all for Lol. My husband on the other hand, wants to kill this guy. I know my behavior is wrong while its happening and it being wrong just fuels it and makes it that much more exciting for me. I am trying to talk my husband into letting me get whatever I can get out of this guy, hes not going to let it happen but I think it would be fun, Idk I know I have issues and I will be discussing this with my therapist on wednesday Lol.
May 10, 2012
Categories: bipolar, chances, crazy, feelings, help, life, lifestyle, personal, reflections, thoughts, up and down . Tags: friends, Health, Mental Health, people, relationship . Author: mymanicmoments . Comments: 24 Comments