Autamata This song is amazing….

Lyrics to Out Of This by Autamata :

I will confront you at last you dreaded empty
When I met you in others I fell in love
From the cradle, to the bottle, to the needle to the bed
We all need something to deliver us from dread

But I believe in truth

Out of this noise, here comes the stillness
Out of this chaos, here comes the order
Out of this language, out of this language
Out of these words

And a hollow man leaves you empty-handed
With fingers carved from Asian ivory
From the cradle, to the treadmill, to the rocker, to the last sigh
Some are made happy when something dies

Out of this noise, here comes the stillness
Out of this chaos, here comes the order
Out of this language, out of this language
Out of these words

Shitsujo, seijaku, shinjitsu
Shitsujo, seijaku, shinjitsu, shinjitsu

Out of patience, out of deed
Out of courage, out of me
Out of reason, out of truth
Out of conscience, out of you

Konran kara shitsujo ga umare
Soon kara seijaku ga umareru
Shinjitsu wa ai o umu

Out of this…

Overloaded

Cabo Home

Cabo Home (Photo credit: FreeCat)

I have had too much time to think today. My mind is overloaded with memories of what I didn’t do. All the empty promises. So many regrets. My head is pounding. I have so many regrets and am trying as hard as I fucking can to get my life back. I miss getting woken up by my kids. I took so much for granted while they were with me I just want another chance to be the mom they deserve to have. I cant imagine life without them. They are the reason i am able to get up and keep moving. They give me strength.

 

I managed to push my dad away. One of the things i have always been good at is pushing people away. I miss being able to talk to him he was one of the few people who could understand me. I hate myself and what i have done to my family. i don”

 

t know if i can fix this and I’m scared.

 

I don’t want to continue to hurt or continue to hurt others. From what i hear recovery is a process and i am headed in the right direction. I am going to make mistakes along the way no body is perfect, i just cant give up and need to stay focused. i am doing this because to me the most important thing in the world is my children. I don’t want to miss out on seeing them grow up. i want to be a part of everything.

 

“Well, I’ve got a lot…

“Well, I’ve got a lot of callings. You can’t just limit
it to one. … Life’s too short to devote yourself to
a single thing, and luckily for me, I’m interested
in other things. And one must pursue those things.”

~ Charlie Trotter

Life is too short…….

Dr. Seuss knew all along…

Dr. Seuss Wooden Nickel

Dr. Seuss Wooden Nickel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“We are all a little weird and Life’s a little weird..”

 ― Dr. Seuss

“Being crazy isn’t enough.”

― Dr. Seuss

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” 

― Dr. Seuss

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 

― Dr. Seuss

“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.”

― Dr. Seuss

 Signature of Dr. Seuss

                                                                                                                         

 

How wonderful it is, that I am never going to be anything but me. You will never be anything but you. What a blessing. No two people are the same. Life is a collection of moments unique to the individual. Embedded in our memories and kept alive in the memories of others. Our life is real because of our experiences. I am where I am because of where I have been. You are where you are because of  where you have been. Nobody really “fits in”. Everyone is longing for a meaning.

Some of the most talented people were viewed as insane. How boring our existence would be without all the so called “Crazies” The truth is if you dig deep enough, you will discover there is crazy in all of us.

Embrace uncertainties. Welcome the chaos. Learn a lesson. Take a chance and enjoy the ride. Create those everlasting memories. Your life is yours to live, so be yourself and Just live it.

Who’s life is this ?

27042012-164827-1

Who’s life is this?

A dreamer, full of  promise.

Beautiful.

Destined for  greatness.

Fearless and free.

Such strength and determination.

Who’s life is this?

One too many bad choices.

You have lost yourself.

No where to go.

No  purpose.

Just going through the motions, no longer living.

Defeated and numb.

Barely recognizable.

Your existence is fading.

Can you remember who you are?

Can you remember who’s life this is?

~ Survey About Simply Me….

Long Distance Relationships

Long Distance Relationships Photo credit: valordictus

Sleep with or without clothes on?

   Without

Prefer black or blue pens?

  Black

Dress up on Halloween?

 Occasionally

Like to travel?

 Absolutely

Like Someone?

 Yes

Do they know?

   I would hope so lol

Who sleeps with you every night?

 Husband and my dog

Think you’re attractive?

  Not so much

Want to get married?

  already have

To:

 My husband

Are you a good student?

 Not in highschool

Are you currently happy?

  Depends on the day

Have you ever cheated?? Been cheated on?

 Yes and Yes

Birthplace?

 Eugene Oregon

Christmas or Halloween?

 Halloween (its my daughter’s birthday)

Colored or black-and-white photo?

  black and white

Do long distance relationships work?

 No

Do you believe in astrology?

 Yes

Do you believe in love at first sight?

  Rare I’m sure

Do you consider yourself the life of the party?

 No quite the opposite

Do you drink?

  Not these days I hate drunks!

Do you make fun of people?

 Sad to say I have

Do you think dreams eventually come true?

 If you work hard enough

Favorite fictional character?

 Tinkerbell

Go to the movies or rent?

 Rent

Have you ever moved?

   Too often

Have you ever stolen anything?

 Yep I wasnt the best teenager lol

How’s the weather right now?

  Cold

Last time you cut your hair?

 about a year ago

Last person you talked to on the phone?

  my sister

Last time you showered?

  this am

Loud or soft music?

  Loud

Mcdonalds or Burger King?

  Mcdonalds

Night or day?

 Night

Number of pillows?

  3

Piano or guitar?

 Guitar

Future job?

 Idk

Current job?

 none

Current love?

   My husband

Current longing?

  to be normal

Current disappointment?

  my husbands behavior

Current annoyance?

  my husbands behavior

Last thing you ate?

 crunch berry cereal

Last thing you bought?

 milk

Most recent thing you are looking forward to?

  sleep

What are you hearing right now?

 kids

Plans for the weekend?

 staying home

What did you do today?

  cleaned the kitchen

Pick a lyric, any lyric or song?

 You know that Im a crazy bitch?…I do what I want when I feel like it…. All I want to do is loose control…. Oh,oh  But you dont really give a shit.. You go with it, go with it, go with it…. ’cause your fucking crazy… rock’n’ roll

 

~I know me and I’m sorry your stupid~

So my latest “unofficial diagnosis” is, I say unofficial because it was a counselor that told me not my psychiatrist, Post traumatic stress disorder. Seriously? as if being bipolar and having panic attacks and severe anxiety problems including social anxiety disorder wasn’t enough someone had to suggest something else…
  I don’t really think I am that crazy but listening to other people talk you would think I should be locked up at some freak show exhibit. Especially listening to people who have no real information about anything, they just think they know everything.
   I went to my aunts house today to barrow money, because of our crappy financial situation. I have been dreading going out there lately because her daughters, my cousins, get under my skin quicker than anyone. They are some of the most opinionated, loud, bitchy people I have ever met. They really have no clue what its like for someone yet they are so quick to offer up advice.
  I don’t understand why they feel its there place, or even necessary for them to talk sometimes. They have to know their input is not always wanted or appreciated. Right? I don’t know.
    The whole reason I am so worked up, is because when I was out there today I was talking to someone else who has been diagnosed bipolar. We were compairing diagnosis’s and information and when I was asked about my ups and downs associated with being bipolar my cousin blurts out ” she has major ups and downs but she is schizophrenic too, not just bipolar” I looked at her and said ” what are you talking about? I have never been diagnosed schizophrenic” Then she actually started arguing with me like I didn’t know my own diagnosis. WTF? I was soooo pissed. Thank god for ativan and Thank god I’m just crazy because it must really suck being that ignorant.

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