~Shut up head! Its time to sleep~

One of several versions of the painting "...

One of several versions of the painting "The Scream". The National Gallery, Oslo, Norway. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I just took an ativan, my little happy pill. I woke up having an anxiety attack. Seriously? I don’t even sleep normally. I’m no stranger to bad dreams. At least once a month my husband has to shake me awake because I am whimpering. In my dream I know I’m dreaming, so I will tell myself to wake up repeatedly and, according to my husband, it ends up sounding like a dying animal.

  Usually After having a bad dream and being shook awake by my startled and concerned husband, I am able to cuddle up next to him and fall back asleep. All I need is him to wrap his arms around me and I sleep the rest of the night without a problem. Oh and I have to cover up my arms. I have come to the conclusion that if I sleep with my arms uncovered and they get cold It will result in me having a bad dream. Every time I have had a bad dream, when I wake up my arms are cold.
   Well this times not my usual. This time is different I cant go back to sleep. No matter what I do, watch TV, read, blog, its not working. My mind wont shut up. My head is full of thoughts. Thoughts that move so fast I cant even make sense of everything. My head is throbbing. I think its causing a migraine.
   Its Monday. The beginning of a new week. Spring break is over and the kids go back to school. I am excited for that lol. I look forward to my quiet mornings when kids are at school. I have an appointment at 1:00 with someone to help me fill out disability paperwork. The Kids and I all have doctors appointments and dentist appointments scheduled this month.
  I have been having major stomach aches and digestion issues too, and I think its a little more than stress causing it. It has been bothering me for a while. I haven’t scheduled an appointment with my doctor to have it checked out. I have convinced myself its because I am too busy tending to more important things. When its actually because I have anxiety so bad I cant even call to schedule a damn appointment for myself.
   Everything scares me lately. I will be posting how everything ends up. For now I need to turn my computer off and lay here with my eyes closed. Eventually I will fall asleep right? I mean that’s what I tell my kids lol.
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