Its not ok

So the latest drama for me is the D.A., not me, is wanting to press charges against my husband for assaulting me. Apparently its a felony with a 5 year sentence because it happened in front of the kids. I have been avoiding posting about this because it is not easy to think about for so many reasons…

 I am so angry that it happened. He knows he fucked up. We have been under a ridiculous amount of stress, I know that doesn’t excuse his behavior, he knows that too. It took him a minute, but he came to the realization on his own. He  signed up for alcohol treatment and counseling for his anger. He is an alcoholic he turns into a complete jackass when he drinks. It only takes one beer and he’s a completely different person. Its been his problem for years. He’s finally acknowledging he has a real problem and seeking help for it. He also scheduled an appointment with a doctor to see if there is something more going on.

So is it really necessary for him to go to jail for 5 years? Shouldn’t he be aloud the opportunity to get help first. I don’t want to spend a night without him, how will I get through 5 years?  My kids wont have their dad around its just so fucked up. I love him so much it sucks it got this bad for us but there re plenty of real criminals out here they should be worrying about.

 

~ Not much ~

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So today has been quite a day. A lot has happened, considering I have only been awake for a few hours here and there, I’m not completely sure it all really happened. Lol

I have been sleeping my life away. Nothing abnormal about that. It’s the one guarantee I  got these days…

Well I deleted my Aunt and the rest of the highly destructive family I had off my face book, as well as my husbands and kids profiles. That felt good. A really good friend from my past contacted me via Facebook. It was rally nice hearing from him crazy how much time has gone by and how much has happened in both of our lives. I had so much to say to him IMing on Facebook doesn’t seem to be fast enough for me so  he dowloaded skype just for me Lol.

Seeing him was nice but kinda depressing too. I started remembering all sorts of stuff from back then. Like I got my first tattoo with him. I was a lot more social. I was young and full of life.I was so much happier. I was a completely different person. I was shy but I  wasn’t as scared as I am now. What happened to that person can I get her back?

My husband is signed up with a counselor for meds and to work on his anger issues. He is going to start AA on Monday. He did this all on his own too. Located the places even rode the bus with our youngest on cross town to sign up so I know he is serious about getting help.

What scares me is how he talks about what happened. I feel he fucked up bad. He crossed a line I had no part in that.  He doesnt agree.  My uncle told him if he everputs his hands on me epecially in front of the kids he will have aeal problem. As sweet as that is, myuncle is old and disabled, not really threatning. My husband responded by saying he pushed me and its nobody’s buiness because they don’t have all the facts.

I don’t know why he feels the need to downplay what happened to everyone because when its just us he as no problem saying ” As hard as  I knocked you into the Cabinet you should have a big gash”  lucky for him I don’t bruise easilly. I do have a decent sized bump on my head and from above my right eyebrow to my ear, I am extremely sore.  I can’t even sleep on my right side.

My husbands mother got released from prison and is going go be in a halfway house near us so that’s been anxiety inducing for sure. I guess a lot has been on my mind but that’s all I feel up to sharing for now.

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