~Happy Pills~

So I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday. My husband had to go with me. My anxiety has gotten so bad, I am unable to go anywhere alone, without feeling anxious. I immediately start getting short of breath, my hands and face get all sweaty, I start shaking and then I’m convinced everyone knows something’s wrong with me. I feel everyone looking at me. Sometimes I even hear them laughing. It’s pretty bad. I know.
I did not want to see the doctor. I hate having to be on medication. I hate talking about my feelings or how I’m doing. I hate not being normal. Why is everything so damn difficult for me? Why do I have to take 5 prescriptions just to feel ok?
I am so glad my husband was there. He makes me follow through and actually talked to the doctor about whats really going on with me. Which made it impossible for me to come up with any stories to get out of whatever he wanted to prescribe. He made sure i got the meds i needed, and held my hand the whole time. I couldn’t do it alone. I was trying so hard to get out of going but since my husband was going, I had to go. You cant fake a flat tire if someones with you. lol.
For all the curious readers the almighty psychiatrist has prescribed the following meds: Wellbutrin 200 mg 1 tab twice a day, Celexa 10mg 1 tab once a day, both of those for depression. I am also on Trileptal 300mg 3 tabs at bedtime for a mood stabilizer and busbar 15mg 1 tab twice a day and Ativan 1 mg 1 tab up to 3 times a day as needed. Both of those for anxiety. I am being compliant this time. I am taking my meds.
According to the almighty psychiatrist himself,  I should start feeling pretty good in a few weeks. For the meantime, I’m depressed, and I am pissed.

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