~WARNING: I just might and then what???~

You tell me that I have given you reasons to not trust me and that I continue to give you reasons not to trust me. I know I have done shit in the past. Whatever. We agreed to move past that. How long is it really necessary to hate yourself for mistakes you have made in the past? How long is it ok to be judged by others because of them?? Frankly I’m tiered of it. Im so done being the one constantly hurting, and regretting my behavior, and constantly trying to fix shit that shouldnt even be an issue any more.
You are so far from perfect yourself. You seem to forget the fucked up shit you have done to me. How convenient..
I don’t know how much longer I’m realistically going to be able to put up with it. This shit is what pushes me into doing something in the first place. Its been a fucking pattern this whole time and you fail to recognize your part in anything. Maybe in between your nice “buzzed beer drinking nice guy” personality and your Im sober life sucks so im a dick to everyone personality, you can make more if an effort to show a little compassion for someone else. Try to understand what i am going through. God knows I am constantly making excuses for you, constantly justifying your behavior yet you are still convinced that I am doing something wrong. I do bad want to say Fuck you.
Why is it so hard for you to believe that I only want to have sex with you. I am not sleeping with any of your friends. That just because one of your friends looks at me and makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean I’m wanting to fuck him. Only when I get accused of it do I wonder what it would be like if I did. I think if i fuck him then left you and we hooked up I doubt he would treat me like this. Shit part of you is convinced I did it already so maybe I should. I should get some fun out of all the constant accusations. I’m pretty sure he would never tell you and I know I could fuck him it wouldn’t be hard. He’s made his interest known.
I even changed my clothes, even though i felt i shouldn’t have to. You asked me to do I did. I don’t want to give you a reason not to trust me. I put on long baggy shorts and a big t-shirt to make sure I was covered up. That didn’t seem good enough. You still questioned me. It was like because I changed I just confirmed that I shouldn’t have been dressed that way to begin with.

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