~Public panic~

Anxiety

Anxiety (Photo credit: Rima Xaros)

Well….yesterday I had an appointment at the dhs office. The appointment was for me to meet with someone to discuss whether or not I would qualify for assistance applying for disability benefits (ssi and ssdi).
I developed so much anxiety the few days prior to the appointment. Just knowing it was scheduled caused me anxiety but the closer to the actual date of the appointment it got worse.
In fact the night right before my appointment I couldn’t sleep. My mind wouldn’t shut up. I was up all night. I played out all the possible out comes in my head. Funny thing is, I had no idea, what to expect. I didn’t know what this person was like or What she would be expecting from me? I didn’t know what information they needed from me. I had no way to prepare anything.
Anytime I leave home I have to take Ativan. This day I was rushing around all frazzled and forgot to take it. Especially if I am going somewhere new or somewhere I don’t really like to go. So of all days to forget it just had to be this one.
The DHS office is by far one of my least favorite places to go. Its always packed full of people needing help. You have to wait 20 minutes standing in line just to check in for your appointment. Plus the people working there seem irritated all the time, and never have all the answers.
While I was standing in line more and more people started coming in, it was beginning to get crowded. I started feeling anxious and tried telling my self I would be fine just breathe. When it it was my turn to be helped the guy who I stood 20 minutes in line to talk to just told me he didn’t know how to check people in so I had to get back in line and wait for someone else to help me. When I turned around the lines had doubled in size, I started panicking and had to leave. I told my husband I had to leave. He didn’t understand what was going on and I wasn’t going to talk about it in front of everyone in that office so I left without him, to go sit in the car.
About 15 minutes go by and here comes my husband. He said I had to go back inside. He told the lady I needed to see about my anxiety. So she said if I came back she wouldn’t make me wait in the lobby I could go straight back to her desk. So I did.
She told me it wasn’t nessesary to fill out any more paperwork. She knew I qualified for the help. She said she would personally be the one assisting me and she would be with me every step of the way.
She is a retired nurse, so she knows all about anxiety and how hard it can be. She was extremely nice and wanted me to fill comfortable. She told me that she was going to schedule an appointment to fill out the SSI and SSDI applications and that I could do it over the phone.
She also told me that she could come to my house instead of me having to come to her. Normally it’s not aloud but she said because of my anxiety she would make an exception.

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