~Truth hurts! Less than the lies~

Ok. So I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. I keep giving you chances, you have proved you don’t deserve them. Why do I keep hurting myself like this? You tell me what I want to hear, but its not true and means nothing to you. You don’t seem to care about my feelings. You are too distracted from seeking instant gratification. You don’t think about the consequences or longterm effects of your actions. You don’t seem to care how your behavior disrupts my life.
You always tell me it’s going to be different this time. You promise. I give you the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe it so bad. Your word means nothing, I know this. Even when you promise, I know your full of shit, but I never call you out.
I keep my fingers crossed, and pray just one time you won’t disappoint me. Why is it so difficult to tell me the truth? You think that lying to me is protecting me. You think I’m too fragile, too weak, to handle the truth. You think I’m going to hurt myself or go crazy, so you make up some bullshit story trying to cover up what you have done. You do this over and over again and i allow this to happen by continuing to give you chance after chance.
FYI :You have given yourself way too much credit. You are so not that magnificent. Honestly you have brought me more pain than happiness. The truth doesn’t hurt as bad, when your honest from the start.
There is no protection from the pain that happens when the truth comes out, and it always comes out.
You have cut me with your actions, you watched me bleed, but the scares from your lies will never heal. There is no more trust.
You have a backwards way of thinking. It takes strength to be honest. It takes strength to admit your wrong. You are the weaker one. You lack Strength. You are to weak to tell the truth. You continue to hide behind your lies.
Your behavior has become alarming even to you. You are loosing your self to your lies. You are ashamed and hate life. You are drowning in your own misery. You cant remember when or how it got so bad. You cant even mimic happiness through self medicating. Its all become too overwhelming. Yet you continue to hurt me. You continue to lie.
You are not just hurting me. You have caused so much pain to yourself, you are beginning to forget who you are. You are the only one to blame. You are responsible for the destruction of yourself. When is enough, enough? Is the cycle ever going to end? How much more can anyone take?
Just think it all could have been prevented. You could have been happy. You could have been proud of your life. If only you weren’t too chicken shit to tell the truth.

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