~Letters from me~

My husband has been going through boxes, trying to weed through what we need to keep and what we need to get rid of. Trying to make since of all the stuff we have accumulated over the last 10 years. We are trying to downsize a lot before we move. The less we have, the less it will cost to move. He found some letters I wrote. One to my sister, and one to my dad i was 17 & 18 when I wrote them. My husband and I hooked up when I has 17, I was actually living with him at the time. I vividly remember writing the letters too. I wrote a letter to everyone i knew. I passed out some but these never got delivered for whatever reason. My mom had moved to Springfield, my sister went with. I stayed in Portland with my dad. Growing up my sister was always closer to mom, and I was closer to dad. My mom was sick and my sister has that ” I need to take care of you” personality. Plus my sister was a pretty good kid. She was also the baby and my mom babied her. My mom and I had a rocky relationship. In fact I hated my mom.My mom was a “good kid” she never partied or did drugs, she lost her virginity to the man she thought she was going to marry. My mom didn’t understand me, I think I scared her. My dad partied and did stupid shit growing up. So because I did stupid shit I related to my dad more. She never missed an opportunity to tell me I was just like my dad, and my sister was just like her.I feel like she pushed me towards my dad and my sister towards her. It wasn’t until I had a kid that our relationship changed and for once in my life she was actually a mother to me. I am so grateful that the last few years of her life we got along, so I do have good memories of her. She was an amazing grandma too.
  Anyways I thought I would share the letters so here is what I wrote:

                                                    To my sister:

 I don’t know what mom’s deal is but she acts like she doesn’t care either way if she has a relationship with me or not. She acts like I embarrass her. Fuck, Dad hasn’t always approved of my choices, but at least he accepts that they are my choices. I know if I ever need help I could go to Dad. I’m not sure I could count on Mom being there for me if I fucked up. I have to learn for myself, I don’t think bad stuff happens to everyone, and I cant learn from other peoples mistakes.
I kinda think Mom expects me to be someone I am not. I know you feel Dad wants you to be someone your not. We just need to be ourselves. Fuck what they want. Its our life and we will never be happy if we are constantly trying to impress them.
So when it comes to Dad, don’t listen to everything he says, only take the advice that you think is the best for you. Try being honest with him. Write him a letter if you have to. Don’t worry about how he will react because ultimately you are the only person you need to worry about. I will do the same when it comes to Mom.
 I have been putting off writing her a letter for the longest time.I think I am going to write Mom and Dad both a letter about everything and give it to them after i turn 18. Don’t worry I will let you read them before I give it to them, that way I have your approval.

                                                       To my Dad:

 I’m writing this letter to thank you for being my Dad. I know I was a handful at times, but you never turned your back on me. that means so much to me.I also want to thank you for letting me make my own mistakes and being there when i needed help.
You have always accepted me for me. You allowed me to make my own decisions. I am really happy in life. I even wrote Mom a letter asking her to be a Mom to me. That was really hard. I’m glad I don’t have to ask you to be a Dad. Now I’m 18 years old and responsible for myself. That’s a little scary but it would have been a lot scarier if you weren’t there for me. I just want you to know that I may be a “grown-up” but I still need my Dad.


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