~Suicide Attempt~

I tried killing myself once. I was using meth off and on, and I love being high. Its kinda like being really manic plus some paranoia, but being paranoid doesn’t bother you so much because everything else is soooo great.
I was fighting with my husband he told me we are done doing drugs which pisses me off why does it always get to be his choice? He acts like he knows whats best, like there is ever a good time for using? Well I was capable of making my own choices and told him if he wanted to quit he could but I wasn’t done yet. I took my pipe and went in the bathroom he broke the door came in there and wrestled me to the floor and taking it. I was so pissed I told him “fine I cant get high I want to die” I grabbed a bottle of Depekote and swallowed as many as I could as fast as I could. He pushed me outside yelling “your not dying in my house” and locked the door. Then he called my sister and told her what I did. My sister rushes over to take me to the hospital, so of course I get in her car and go because I wasn’t mad at her. Once I got to the hospital, they took me back and had me put on a gown, hooked up an IV,  then told me I needed to drink that charcoal stuff. They handed me the drink then left the room. I jumped up put my pants on under the gown detatched the IV from the bag and ran out of the hospital. My drug dealer lived a few blocks away so I was going to go over there get high and hopefully die. I had no idea where I was I got lost, then there was 3 nurses from the hospital trying to convince me to come back. They said at least let us take out your IV so I ripped it out and threw it at them. Then they said we will have to call the cops, suicide is a crime. I said call them and how is anyone going to press charges when I’m dead?? They called the cops. I got arrested. The officer took me to a different hospital (the one my mom died in) and I was given that charcoal stuff again and told I cant talk to my sister who was waiting in the lobby until I finished it. I was so pissed I was kicking the door and screaming I couldn’t die with her being out there all by herself. It was the same hospital mom died at. I dont think she could have handled that. So I drank that nasty stuff, puked, and they let her come back and see me. I had to talk to an on call psychiatrist and was able to convince her I was ok. so she sent me to the cardiac unit over night for obsevation. Then I was released.

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2 Comments

  1. I didn't feel like writing, but always feel better when I do.I felt like I needed to blog about this experience its just a hard time to talk about. I don't think a lot of details would have made much of a difference lol. Thanks for reading. It gives me more of a reason to write knowing people are actually reading this lol.

  2. Well that was fast and to the point! I always ramble on to long. I don't know what it's like being bi-polar, I do know what it's like being married to one, and living next door to two(who happen to be my in-laws)And a year ago this last December my daughter Gloria was raped. She was 14 at the time. Before it happened she was a normal(drama queen teenage girl) I won't even tell you the hell this last year has been.Now she is on Zoloft. And it was so scary before I finally got someone to put her on it. What I'm saying I guess is be as crazy, happy,mad etc as you need to be. You'll still be a great person and I really admire you.Oh! I found you on blogaholic when I joined your group.


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